I, Dumpster

I get no respect, I tell ya'. Rodney Dangerfield had nothing on me. At least he got to perform in a suit and tie.

Me, I sit out here all day long, stark naked, with people dumping all kinds of stuff into me. Trash, fuzzy Elvis pictures, even 60's lava lamps.  Can you imagine? You'd think I had no dignity. 

Heck, folks don't even call me by my right name. I'm not a dumpster at all. I'm a rolloff container. And proud of it! Dumpsters just sit there in one spot. Me, I like to stay on the move. Keeps me in shape! That's how I roll. (sorry)

Another big distinction is that dumpsters are pretty fussy: they only accept garbage. And in bags, no less! Me, I'll accept anything that fits. Roofing tiles, tree trimmings, construction materials, basements that haven't been cleaned out in a hundred years, dead animals and other disgusting stuff... you can pretty much dump anything into me (sorry no toxic waste... even I have my limits). 

Yep, it's all in a day's work. If you can call this work. To tell the truth, I've got it made. Life couldn't be better. What a gig! While others slave away in cubicles, I get to sit around all day and enjoy the sunshine and the fresh air. Sure, birds fly over once in a while and do what birds like to do. But like I said, I'll accept anything that fits.

And I'm a lover, not a hater. I like to think of myself as an equal-opportunity rolloff. Some of my friends only accept refuse from Democrats. Others only from Republicans. Me, I'm good with everyone. Spread the love, that's what I say.

Hey, have we met before? If not, I'd be proud to be delivered right to your residence or place of business and help you clean up your act. Get it... clean up your act? Sorry, I guess I've been watching too many Rodney clips.

But seriously, folks, take my wife... Darn, there I go again. As I was saying, I'd love to service your residence or small business. I'm very reliable once I've been set down in the proper location. You can depend on me so stay put until the entire job is done!

Yep, we rolloffs know our place in society and my place is to make the world a cleaner, better organized and happier place. I wish I could say the same for those politicians.

Anyway, like I was saying, the next time you get the urge to repair your roof, clean out your attic, trim your trees, remodel your home, or if you just need a temporary swimming pool (I kid you not, this has happened to some of my southern friends), you know who to call.

That's right, Milford Dumpster Rental. "Have Dumpster, Will Travel!" Give those nice folks a call at (603) 769-4590 and they'll send me or one of my esteemed associates over to take good care of you and whatever you'd care to toss in. 

We promise to show up on time, stay until the job is done, then leave right on schedule so you don't have to make a zillion trips to the dump. And we won't break your piggy bank (...if it's broken already, no problem, just toss it in). My owners are very nice business people and will always give you a fair deal.

As for me, one day day I'll get some respect after all. But that's not my problem right now. Will someone please shoo all these pigeons away!??